God makes me brave.

Lately God has been bringing the word BRAVE into my life. In my favorite songs, in books, movies. It’s been everywhere.

I've been learning, and believing that with God I really can do anything! I've done and continue to do things I NEVER thought I would do, only by the grace of God. Through God I can overcome my inability. God makes me brave.

It’s something God has been teaching me. Looking back I can see it’s been something He’s been bringing up over the years. He’s called me to do things I never thought I’d do, He’s called me to face my fears and I've realized I can do it!

Brave is defined as this: 

"To possess or exhibit courage or courageous endurance."

Growing up I definitely would NOT describe myself as a brave person. I was shy and crippled by fear. There were a lot of things I didn't do because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. There’s a quote I heard recently. “Fear kills more dreams then failure ever will.” That is so true! How many dreams have we given up on, not because we've failed, but because we’re too scared to even try?

I love superhero movies. Not just because they save the world [and the girl :)], but the fact THAT they save the world. Because they are brave. They face giants and demons that could very well destroy them, but they march on with great courage putting other’s lives before their own. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

-Joshua 1:9 

Did you catch that? God COMMANDED Joshua to be strong and courageous. So many times we pray and ask God to give us strength and courage, but as I read this verse I wonder; maybe that strength and courage is already inside of us? God is always with us, He tells us that over and over thought the scriptures (Matt 28:20). If God is for us, who can be against us (Rom 8:31)? So if God is with us and for us, why aren't we brave? That should give us great courage and joy, in the end God wins! God has defeated Satan, and all of our fears. We are more than conquerors (Rom 8:37), not by our own strength but by God's strength. 

Now I’m not saying being brave easy, I’m still working on it every day! But God never promised an easy life, He just promised He’d be there every step of the way.

Though Christ I am brave.

Ready to fly away.

This September I will be staffing at 360 Maine!! 360 Maine is a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) affiliate but is a little different, working closer with the local church. Visit their website to learn more.

You may remember I did my YWAM DTS (Discipleship Training School) in Wisconsin over a year ago. The directors of 360 Maine were there at the same time training under Madison’s director. I have seen their heart for this mission and after much prayer have decided to join them for a two year term. Some of my responsibilities include mentoring students, other various tasks, and a two month outreach overseas. God has laid this passion on my heart and I can’t wait to see what He has in store! 

Here's the story of how I got here: Ever since I returned home from my DTS I had this restless feeling. I struggled with it, looking for a job only finding a few temporary positions. I kept feeling like there was something else. For months I fought and tried to bury that feeling but it wouldn't go away. 

So I finally asked God about it. He gave me the word "Youth." I wasn't quite sure what that meant, so I continued to wait on God to make it clear. At that same time I was asked to help lead a girls weekend, it reminded me a bit of a mini DTS. I LOVED it!! It was so amazing, it was all the things I love; God, youth, and worship. It also gave me more confidence in my leadership skills. 

I continued to search for a job and get involved at my church until one day I saw that 360 Maine was looking for staff, and it just dawned on me! God gave me this passion for youth, He's been involving me in things to help me prepare to staff, He hasn't led me to a job for a reason. What do I have to lose?

So I applied and here I am! 

I realized that I tried to go back to "normal" life after my DTS because being a full time missionary honestly scared me, I didn't think that was something I could ever do.

But God has been teaching me more about myself and who He's created me to be, and what He can do through me. 

God has given me a passion for youth, but I didn't known what to do with it. I guess was been trying to do what was "expected" of me, but it just never felt right. But now that I've applied and been accepted I am beyond excited! I'm not scared anymore. I can't wait to see where this crazy adventure with God will go next! All I know is it will be great because He will be there, and that's all I need. He makes me brave!

"You make me brave, You called me beyond the shore into the waves, You make me brave, No fear can hinder now the promises You've made."

What God's been doing.

I thought I should probably make an update since I haven't wrote anything in a long time :)

After I got back from YWAM (see previous posts), it took me a long time to adjust back to life. I missed my friends, the teachings, the experiences and adventures, everything (I still do)! But after some long, constant, crying out talks with God I now know I am where I'm supposed to be... for now.

I know God has something amazing for me, I don't know when and where, but when He says "Go." I'll go.

In the meantime, I'm looking for a full time job. I've had a couple of temporary jobs, and I'm still doing [and LOVING] photography. I'm also involved at my church, helping with the 5th and 6th grades on Wednesday nights, I dance occasionally, and I sing on the worship team. I'm also a mentor to a Jr. High girl.

A few weekends ago I got to help on a teen girls weekend, I also gave a talk on Christian growth through study. It was so amazing!!! It made me realize even more the passion that I have for working with youth.

God keeps showing me that I can do so much more than I ever thought I could. If you would've asked me 5 years ago if I would believe that my first time flying would be over seas, and I would travel to three countries and one is a closed nation, and that I would give a 20ish minuet talk to about 25 people. I would have said "no."

All I can say is that when God says to do something, you can do it! He will never let you fall.

Let go.

Sometimes no matter what you do or how hard you try, that thing you want or place you want to be just wont happen. I've tried to convince myself "In time." but I can see clearly now that God was saying "No."

I tried to think of every reason to keep holding on to hope, and God knew the only way He could get through to me during that time was in big ways. It was a silent war happening inside of me, my feelings were getting the best of me, it felt like my heart was at war with my mind. My mind knew what I needed, but my heart knew what I wanted.

When those big things happened (which seemed huge to me, but I know no one else knew about them), First I was angry, I couldn't understand why God would let me feel these feelings if they were only going to come crashing down. Then I cried for hours, on the floor in my room and before I fell asleep.

Over time I learned how to feel again, I could smile and laugh with friends and not have to fake it, I grew closer to God because I went to Him for comfort and He loved on me. I learned to turn to Him first and get His okay before my feelings ran away with something. And I believe that I'm now a stronger, smarter, and better person.

Here is a quote I heard once; "If you love somebody, set them free. And if they really love you, they'll come back." To me it says; if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, it wont. So trust God! He will not let you down!

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Philippians 4:11

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Sometimes you just have to let go, no matter how much it hurts.

Wait.

Ugh. Really God? Wait? Why can't you just tell me now? I've felt like that a lot! When I ask God about something I want to know it now, but I've learned that's not how He works! During the long time of waiting I wrote about in my last post, God spoke to me. He brought a picture of a prayer maze to my mind and spoke these words to my heart. "It's not about the answers, it's about the journey it takes to get there."

Think about it, in a prayer maze you don't just walk right to the middle, you follow the trail and pray along the way. That's how we grow with God, we follow Him and are in communication with Him, and the longer it takes you to get there the more things you can see and experience. Waiting has strengthened my faith more than I could have imagined! Waiting has made me trust God more and lean on Him for everything, and when He brought the answers, it's made me realize that God's plans are far greater than I what I could come up with, and that makes me want to follow Him so much more!

So if you are in a season of waiting or just waiting on some little things, take heart! Know that God will answer and He is always right beside you knowing the perfect time to reveal His plan to you.

Jeremiah 29:11-14; For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.

Psalm 27: 14; Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Here is a song that I love, "Wait" by Fike (If you want to hear just the song skip to about 1:30)

This is my story.

So I thought I'd let you readers get to know me better by sharing my testimony, so here we go! :)

I was raised in a Christian home, I was homeschooled so all my friends were from church, and my parents always pointed me toward Christ but never forced anything on me. Then when I was 8 I was listening to a cd, and at the end of the last song they recited the "Christian ABC's" (Most of you know what I mean!) "A. Admit you are a sinner and that you need a Savior. B. Believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord. C. Confess your sins, and commit your life to Him." Then they added one more letter that really spoke to my heart. "And D. Don't wait until tomorrow." Because not one of us is ever guaranteed tomorrow! So I opened my heart to Christ, and asked for forgiveness for my sins. Later that year I was baptized. Looking back now I know that was a God-think, because I'd always stopped the song before they said the ABCs, but for some reason (God :)) that day I let it play until the end.

A few years later (I think I was 11 or 12), through sermons at church and God at work in me, I began to realize that I welcomed God in but didn't let Him change me, I was living the same way I was before I opened my heart. So I began to pray more and more, read my bible, and I fully surrendered my life to Him and His will. I told Him "God you're in charge of my future, I'll do whatever You want me to do."

Around that time a new Christian band came out made up of three young woman who were strong crusaders of modesty but still being fashionable, giving God full control of your life, and praying for your future husband. So as a young girl I totally looked up to them, I thought they were so cool!  So I began to pray for my future husband too. It started out as short prayers before I went to bed every now and then, but one day when I was at church out of nowhere "Future husband" popped into my head, and I had "butterflies" and my heart started beating faster, and before I had a chance to think, I started praying "God fight for him" over and over and over. So I wrote it down in a notebook (and still do! :)), and over the years I've gotten more and more prayer requests for him from God, and I'm really excited to see how God used me to fight for my future husband before we've met!

When I was 17 a YWAM (Youth With A Mission) Children At Risk team came and shared at my church. The stories and faces of the children pulled on my heart like nothing ever had. They gave us prayer cards for two little girls to pray for, because their parents took them out of the safe children's home and back into prostitution. So I began to pray for them and I still do today. When I was a freshman a youth pastor told me that she believed God was calling me to missions, and my mom did too. So I began to pray and seek God, but I wasn't hearing anything, so I started asking other people to pray for me and everyone was getting words like "not yet" and "just wait". So I did, and let me tell you it was the hardest thing I'd ever done! I kind of felt like God had left me, then one day I was lying face down on the floor searching for answers and crying out to God, then I felt two hands tough my sides! No one was there, I believe it was God reasuring me that He has never left my side and never will. Over my time of waiting and all my 4 years of high school God has placed wonderful woman of God in my life to mentor and guide me, I'm so grateful He did! Then then next year I felt a stirring that wouldn't go away and the things from YWAM kept coming to me, Then the song Let The Waters Rise by Mikeschair came on and I just knew I need to do this, and I felt such a peace. So I will be doing YWAM Children At Risk in September! ♥

I'm still falling more in love with God all the time, and growing more in my faith! He's opening my eyes more and more through songs, books (Radical is amazing!! You should really read it!), reading the bible, people around me, prayer, and when He speaks His truths and love to my heart. I still have worries, fears and problems, but I face them with strength from God every day. Right now some of my favorite songs are Well Done by Moriah Peters, Ready Or Not by Britt Nicole, You Lead by Jamie Grace and Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship.

But that is not the end of my story, this is just the beginning...