Let go.

Sometimes no matter what you do or how hard you try, that thing you want or place you want to be just wont happen. I've tried to convince myself "In time." but I can see clearly now that God was saying "No."

I tried to think of every reason to keep holding on to hope, and God knew the only way He could get through to me during that time was in big ways. It was a silent war happening inside of me, my feelings were getting the best of me, it felt like my heart was at war with my mind. My mind knew what I needed, but my heart knew what I wanted.

When those big things happened (which seemed huge to me, but I know no one else knew about them), First I was angry, I couldn't understand why God would let me feel these feelings if they were only going to come crashing down. Then I cried for hours, on the floor in my room and before I fell asleep.

Over time I learned how to feel again, I could smile and laugh with friends and not have to fake it, I grew closer to God because I went to Him for comfort and He loved on me. I learned to turn to Him first and get His okay before my feelings ran away with something. And I believe that I'm now a stronger, smarter, and better person.

Here is a quote I heard once; "If you love somebody, set them free. And if they really love you, they'll come back." To me it says; if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, it wont. So trust God! He will not let you down!

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Philippians 4:11

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Sometimes you just have to let go, no matter how much it hurts.